I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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