It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
