As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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