Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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