Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
