So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
