Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
