I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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