Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
