where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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