Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Randomize
