you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
