She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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