im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
