I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
