Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
