I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
