4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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