And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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