Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
