if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize