well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
sick fucks of a feather flock together
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
