i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize