There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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