WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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