I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
