that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
