im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
