# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
