His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
