this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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