He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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