Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
