i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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