Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
