So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
