I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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