we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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