You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
two words: eviction party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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