i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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