she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is classic penis vs brain.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
