Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
