We got so high we made milksteak
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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