She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
