this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
two words: eviction party
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
