are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
