Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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