I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
