don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
