Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I checked into jail on foursquare
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
