So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
