Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
