I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
