I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
