dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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