Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
