yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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