Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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