I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
