When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize