NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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