i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
