so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
