booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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