so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
