I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
