i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
