You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
