3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
