Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
