How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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