the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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