I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
