I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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