ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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