New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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