It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
