One girl and one boy is just not enough.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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